Fire Your Inner Critic
Most of the high-achieving professional women I work with have something in common: their
inner critic is loud. They often find it hard to enjoy their successes because while everyone
around them is affirming their accomplishments, they are riddled with harsh self-judgments and
self-doubt.
Anxiety Treatment
When we examine the messages of their inner critic more closely, they often feel conflicted. On
one hand, they can see the insidious nature of their inner critic and the way it fuels feelings of
anxiety and shame. On the other hand, they believe it keeps them motivated and driven toward
achieving their goals. It is both a friend and an enemy all at once.
So often we learn to accept the voice of our inner critic as a necessary evil. Because the inner
critic is developed in our formative years, we quickly buy into its criticisms as truth - no
questions asked. The voice sounds so familiar, echoing what we’ve heard from parents,
teachers, coaches, and society at large, that we welcome its presence as a constant
companion.
Rarely is our inner critic as helpful as we imagine. Speaking its messages aloud would cause us
to cringe. We wouldn’t dare speak to our loved ones the way our inner critic speaks to us. That
awareness offers a foundation upon which a new, more constructive, and compassionate inner
voice can be built.
Is the critical inner voice harmful for highly anxious folks?
It stems from the primitive part of the brain, the amygdala, which is wired for survival and safety. The problem is, that part of the brain isn’t able to distinguish between a perceived threat and an actual threat.
In an effort to mitigate risk and ensure our survival, the inner critic stands ready at the defense,
pulling us back from those things that make us feel vulnerable, afraid, overwhelmed, and
insecure. If those emotions were actually dangerous for us to experience, the inner critic’s
defense would be invaluable. But, those emotions are survivable, and learning to tolerate them
is a necessary part of our personal growth and development.
How can I understand my critical inner voice?
Once we understand the role of the inner critic, we’re empowered to interact with it differently.
First, it’s important to practice noticing your inner critic at work. We can bring mindful attention to
its voice and impact on our feelings and behaviors. Take notice of the scenarios that amplify the
inner critic’s voice and practice acknowledging those thoughts as thoughts, not facts, that act as
your brain’s defense against a perceived threat.
It can also be helpful to talk back to your inner critic. This offers you the opportunity to disrupt
the unhelpful thoughts, so as to avoid allowing those thoughts to lead the way, and instead,
consider what’s more accurate and encouraging in the moment. You may also need to remind
yourself that your emotions, while challenging, are survivable. Engaging in therapy can help you
build skills to manage your emotions more effectively when you find yourself struggling to keep
them in check.
What are some things I can do to decrease self judgment and anxiety?
Finally, you can give your inner critic a new job. Your inner voice doesn’t have to be critical,
harsh, and judgmental. Imagine how things might change if your inner voice was kind,
compassionate, and encouraging. Instead of creating feelings of shame and self-doubt, your
inner voice can help you cultivate a new sense of empowerment, confidence, and self-trust.
Practice patience with yourself in this process. Reshaping your inner voice requires consistent intention and effort. Understanding anxiety and getting help to decrease it can help with your critical inner voice. When it feels difficult, don’t be ashamed to ask for support, and remember that you deserve an inner voice that’s full of the same kindness and compassion that you offer others.
If you are looking for a Chicago Anxiety Therapist, contact us here for a free 15-minute phone consultation. Our specialties include EMDR therapy, Anxiety Therapy, Cognitive Behavior therapy, Relational/Psychodynamic therapy, and self compassion and mindfulness specialist.
by Tiffany Rogers, MA, LPC, NCC
Tiffany Rogersis a trauma informed psychotherapist that specializes in working with high-performing professionals in Chicago who need help managing their anxiety. With a prior career in corporate America, Tiffany understands the challenges of maintaining a demanding career and the internal struggles of anxiety one may deal with behind the scenes. If you need support, contact Tiffany at tiffanyr@chicagopsych.org for a free phone consultation.