Navigating the strains on marriage: How to find strength
Let’s face it, marriage is no walk in the park and I think I can speak on behalf of every person who has been married at least once in their life. However, within this beautiful union, strains can emerge, testing the resilience and depth of the bond between partners. From financial pressures to communication breakdowns, navigating the complexities of marriage requires both patience and perseverance. In this blog post, we delve into the various strains that can affect marriages and explore strategies for overcoming them.
1. Financial Strain: Believe it or not, financial strain is among the top stressors on a marriage if not the first. Whether it’s due to unemployment, debt, or differing financial priorities, financial strain can put immense pressure on a relationship. Couples may find themselves caught in a cycle of arguments and stress as they struggle to make ends meet. However, open communication, setting shared financial goals, and seeking professional advice can help alleviate this strain.
2. Communication Breakdown: Effective communication lies at the heart of a healthy marriage. When communication breaks down, misunderstandings can escalate into conflicts, eroding trust and intimacy. Learning to listen actively, express feelings openly, and practice empathy are crucial skills for overcoming communication barriers. Couples may also benefit from couples therapy or communication workshops to strengthen their connection. Trust me, no one is born with the communication tools needed to argue in a healthy way. Most likely, we didn’t see our parents model a healthy argument (no shame to them), and we may have picked up some bad habits from childhood.
3. Time Constraints: In today’s fast-paced world, time often feels like the one thing we don’t have. Balancing work, family responsibilities, and personal pursuits can leave little room for quality time together as a couple. Over time, this lack of connection can strain the marital bond. Prioritizing quality over quantity, scheduling regular date nights, and engaging in shared activities can help couples carve out time for each other amidst their busy schedules. Date nights don’t necessarily have to involve spending a lot of money. It can be as simple as planning some quiet time after the kids are sleeping, or ordering food so no one has to cook or clean or even watching a move with some popcorn. There is no limit on date night!
4. Parenting Challenges: Welcoming children into the family can bring immense joy, but it also introduces a new set of challenges for couples. Sleepless nights, conflicting parenting styles, and disagreements over discipline can strain the marriage. Finding common ground, supporting each other as parents, and carving out time for couple bonding amid the demands of parenthood are essential for maintaining a strong marital foundation. This can be tricky especially in the first 5-7 years of a child’s life. You are both learning a new relationship dynamic, barely getting sleep and focusing most of your time on the baby. Take it day by day and understand that this is temporary and things can get better with both of you supporting one another.
5. Intimacy Issues: Physical and emotional intimacy are vital components of a fulfilling marriage. However, various factors such as stress, fatigue, and unresolved conflicts can dampen intimacy levels. It’s essential for couples to prioritize intimacy, engage in open conversations about their needs and desires, and explore ways to reignite the spark in their relationship. Remember, there are gender differences that can play a role. Women may perceive intimacy different than men and that is ok. The key is to learning each other’s love language so that you can show love to your partner in a way that they can receive it and believe it!
6. External Pressures: From societal expectations to cultural differences, external pressures can influence the dynamics of a marriage. Navigating these external influences while staying true to their shared values and aspirations can be challenging for couples. Establishing healthy boundaries, supporting each other’s individual growth, and seeking guidance from mentors or support groups can help couples withstand external pressures. Not a single couple will look like your relationship. Keep in mind that ALL marriages fight a battle that you may never know of. It doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed, it just means you have to learn how to navigate your relationship a little different.
7. Infidelity: Finally, infidelity can shatter the foundation of trust in a marriage, causing deep emotional pain and turmoil. Rebuilding trust after infidelity requires immense effort, honesty, and commitment from both partners. Seeking couples therapy or support from a qualified counselor can facilitate the healing process and help couples navigate the complexities of rebuilding their relationship. Again, as difficult as it is to go through this, it doesn’t mean both parties can’t heal and move forward.
Every relationship or marriage will have their own battles. Comparing your relationship to social media or movies will only affect the way your perceive yours. No one is perfect, even if they tell you it is. As a clinical psychologist, I worry when my couples say they don’t fight- then I know we have a problem!
In my experience, many of the situations have an underlying cause. I do my best to show compassion to couples because in a way each of them is hurting and they both have valid feelings. My job is to untangle those feelings and find common ground for both parties. This requires a lot of patience and compassion, but it gives me great joy to be able to share a safe place with my couples and teach them the tools that will take their relationship to a new level.
If you are struggling in your relationship please reach out. They say it takes a village to raise a child, but a relationship also requires a supportive community and that’s what we are here for.