Moving towards anxiety: why avoidance keeps you stuck

Anxiety is uncomfortable. It tightens your chest, quickens your breath, and fills your mind with an endless loop of “what-ifs.” Naturally, the instinctive response is to avoid whatever is triggering the anxiety. If a social gathering makes you uneasy, you cancel. If a challenging project at work fills you with dread, you procrastinate. If an important conversation feels overwhelming, you put it off.

In the short term, avoidance feels like relief. But over time, it reinforces the very anxiety you’re trying to escape. It teaches your brain that the world is unsafe, that discomfort is intolerable, and that the only way to manage fear is to retreat. The problem is that avoidance shrinks your life. It limits your experiences, your relationships, and your ability to move toward the things that matter most to you.

Why Avoidance Fuels Anxiety

From a psychodynamic and relational perspective, avoidance often stems from early life experiences where certain emotions or situations felt overwhelming. If difficult feelings weren’t met with support or understanding, you may have learned to withdraw from them rather than engage. While avoidance might have once felt protective, in adulthood, it tends to create more distress by reinforcing the belief that you cannot handle discomfort.

From an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) lens, avoidance also keeps you trapped in a struggle with your emotions rather than allowing you to be present with them. When you avoid situations that trigger anxiety, you inadvertently send yourself the message that anxiety is dangerous—strengthening its hold over you. Over time, this cycle makes anxiety feel even more powerful and limits your ability to engage with life fully.

Moving Toward Anxiety: A Different Approach

The alternative to avoidance is a counterintuitive one: moving toward anxiety rather than away from it. This doesn’t mean forcing yourself into overwhelming situations all at once, but rather developing a different relationship with your anxiety—one based on curiosity, acceptance, and willingness.

1. Acknowledge and Name Your Anxiety

Rather than trying to push anxiety away, acknowledge its presence. Name it: “I’m feeling anxious right now.” Recognizing your emotions gives you a sense of agency rather than feeling controlled by them.

2. Understand the Fear Behind the Anxiety

Ask yourself: What am I actually afraid of? What story is my mind telling me about this situation? Often, anxiety is fueled by imagined catastrophes, but when you examine it closely, you may find that your fears are not as concrete as they seem.

3. Take Small, Intentional Steps Toward What You Fear

Avoidance teaches your brain that you’re unsafe, while gradual exposure helps you build confidence. If public speaking makes you anxious, start with a small step—speak up in a meeting, practice in front of a friend, or attend a small event. Each time you face anxiety and stay with it, you show yourself that you can handle discomfort.

4. Use Your Values as a Guide

ACT emphasizes moving toward what matters, even in the presence of anxiety. If deepening relationships is important to you, can you sit with the discomfort of vulnerability rather than avoiding difficult conversations? If career growth is meaningful, can you take on challenges despite the fear? Anxiety often arises in areas of life that can be deeply valuable—use this as a compass rather than a stop sign.

5. Practice Mindful Acceptance

Instead of trying to eliminate anxiety, practice accepting it as part of your experience. Imagine anxiety as a wave—it rises, peaks, and eventually falls. You don’t have to fight the wave; you can learn to ride it. Mindfulness practices, deep breathing, and grounding techniques can help you stay present rather than reactively avoiding discomfort.

Anxiety is Uncomfortable, but You Are Capable

Avoidance keeps you stuck, but turning toward your anxiety with openness and courage allows you to reclaim your life. Discomfort is not a sign that something is wrong—it’s often a sign that you’re growing. The goal is not to eliminate anxiety but to build the capacity to live fully, even when it’s present.

So the next time anxiety arises, instead of asking, “How can I get rid of this?” try asking, “How can I move toward this in a way that aligns with my values?” Growth happens on the other side of fear—not in avoiding it, but in learning that you are stronger than you think.

Written by: Jessie Beebe